Self Portrait
I't’s that time of the year again.
Some lady’s birthday.
A lot has happened within the last year that kinda shook me up and made me realize it was time to get back to creating. One of those things being getting fired from my “I just need a break” job. How you mean not even that can catch me a break? That’s wild. So literally one of the first things I did was to buy a lens I needed maybe 5 years ago. And it was just up from there.
One thing I did notice though, was that I was getting ready to present myself as a creative person to the world but none of my portraits reflected that. They were all shoots I was practicing my lighting techniques, and obviously, that wasn’t gonna fly. So in the midst of updating my portfolio, I also had to update my portraits :) Fun.
“Creativity doesn’t come from having everything you need. Creativity comes from lack.”
— A paraphrase from a documentary I wish I remembered the name of.
What was the concept?
“A Ray of F***ing Sunshine”
I don’t think I can confidently say there was A concept. Just a serious of ideas over a few months that kept moving until it fit perfectly. I was meant to do this shoot since May, I had everything planned out but in the most “1st draft” way possible. “A Ray of F***ing Sunshine” was the title. I wanted a dark room where I’d be portrayed as the light of the room but still in a not perfect way. I was so mad at the fact that I just try to be happy and mind my business and it seemed like nobody wanted me to just do that.
I hadn’t secured a make up artist so I decided to buy a bunch of new products for a “dewy” look ON THE DAY OF THE SHOOT. I booked my nail appointment for THE DAY OF THE SHOOT. I bleached and dyed my hair the night before to be styled ON THE DAY OF THE SHOOT. I mean, c’mon, I was begging for a disaster. And that’s what I got. So I just cancelled everything and put a lot more thought and effort into fleshing out the idea a lot more.
Now it’s September and I’ve been observant enough of my surroundings and feelings and life on a whole to put something together that makes so much more sense. One of those being, why not pull as many of my creative talents together to assist?
A resourceful queen, might I Say?
One thing I am, is resourceful. I might not be able to get exactly what I want but I can figure out how to use what I have to get there. This time around, I wanted this dress with the gold shimmers but I wanted a head wrap to match (I just love to see it). I KNEW I wasn’t going to find fabric to match so… out came the scissors. By hook or by crook I was getting my bandana.
Do I regret it? No.
And in true “Joy” fashion, in this beautiful gown and a full face, I did it all barefoot.
Thank you!
A huge Thank You to everyone who helped me to get everything together for this full day shoot. Yes it took me approximately 13 hours start to finish to complete on shoot day.
It was incredibly difficult to shoot myself. I remember a tutor telling me he prefers me to stick to being behind the camera so I can see better and have more control, and this is not me admitting that he was right, this is me saying his years of experience is really working for him. I am not disappointed with my results AT ALL but let me say, this shoot would have had a lot more range if only I could see better and direct as things were moving.
Regardless, thank you to those who trust me, and believe in me, and help me no questions asked. And to those who don’t know me, These are the results that came about while I was impaired. Imagine what I could do when I have FULL control.
“Do not fear to be eccentric in opinion, for every opinion now accepted was once eccentric.”
— Bertrand Russell